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Cuckoo Clock Jokes

If you are looking for a cuckoo clock job than you do not have to look any further.

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Joke #1

A man is moving a short distance and to avoid the trouble of packing his grandfather clock, he decides to carry it the two blocks or so. He meets a drunk along the way, who stares at him for a few seconds, then asks? Shay Mishter: why donsho weahr uh wasch like evrybudy elshe???

Harvey's grandfather clock suddenly stops working right one day, so he loads it into his van and takes it to a clock repair shop. In the shop is a little old man who insists he is Swiss, and has a heavy German accent. He asks Harvey, "Vat sims to be ze problem?" Harvey says, "I'm not sure, but it doesn't go 'tick-tock-tick-tock' anymore. Now it just goes 'tick...tick...tick.'" The old man says, "Mmm-Hm!" and steps behind the counter, where he rummages around a bit. He emerges with a huge flashlight and walks over the the grandfather clock. He turns the flashlight on, and shines it directly into the clocks face.

Then he says in a menacing voice, "Ve haf vays of making you tock!"

Joke #2

Just after this guy gets married, he was invited out for a night with "the boys." He accepts and then tells his new bride not to worry, because he'd "be home by midnight...promise!"

Well, the darts were landing just right and the grog was going down easy, and at around 3 a.m. drunk as can be the guy finally stumbles home. Just as he gets in the door, the cuckoo clock started, and cuckooed three times. Quickly he realized she'd probably been woken up by the clock, so he cuckooed another nine times to make her think it was midnight. He was really proud of himself, having the quick wits, even when smashed, to escape a possible conflict.

Next morning the missus asked him what time he got in and he tells her, "12 o'clock, dear!" Whew! Got away with that one! "Hmmm, I think we need a new cuckoo clock," she says over her morning coffee. "Why is that?" the husband asks.

"Well, it cuckooed three times, said 'shoot,' cuckooed another four times, farted, cuckooed another three times, cleared its throat; cuckooed two more times, and then giggled."

Joke #3

Three salesmen were bragging who is the best.

The first said, that he is so good he sold a color television to a blind man.

The second bragged he sold a HI-FI stereo system to a deaf man.

The third said he sold a Cuckoo clock to a blonde lady.

The other two said, so what? and the third salesman added,
Along with the Cuckoo clock, I also sold her
one hundred pounds of bird seeds!!!!!

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